Is it, though? Seriously, at its core, is it? KYOTKGUY and I have decided, together, to do this post a little differently, again. Today's words are POWER and CONTROL. Now, in a D/s dynamic, power and control are the components that are the turning points within the relationship. There is a give and take of both, but exactly how that dynamic and power play shapes up varies couple to couple. We're extremely intrigued as to how it works in YOUR relationship. On this ninth day of Christmas, consider the path that you've walked, and how it's been shaped. What purpose and focus does the give and take of control and power serve in your life?We will be chiming in on this, but only after AT LEAST 12 comments have been made. It is, after all, the Twelve Days of Christmas!
Keagen, this is a complex question.
ReplyDeleteI'll start with the first statement, it may apply to a wanna be dom, or to a quasi dom just playing for thrills.
But never to a real dom.
It is power sharing, often the sub is the stronger partner in a D/s relationship, many subs that I have known are strong and intelligent women/men.
However one can never generalise about human beings, and all partnerships are unique.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
Okay, here is one of the twelve.
ReplyDeleteControl to me sounds much more important than power. But how can you have control without power, or power without control? Isn't it the same thing?
Ah, I now see that you're asking how it works in OUR relationship. Sorry that I missed that.
ReplyDeleteWell, in our case it's a combination of me pushing very hard (for me spanking is very important, as she's the vanilla) as well as the fact that I'm stronger, being the male. I just can overpower her physically, if I choose to.
I guess.
Right now, we're up to two comments. I'll comment on them all, the way I usually do, after I get all twelve. :-) Keep them coming, you guys!
ReplyDeleteNice post Kea....that should count for one of your 12 :-)
ReplyDeleteNope. Sorry, Jessa . . . . you didn't answer the question asked. Comment count remains at 2!
ReplyDeleteOk Kea I will give you a real answer...Power and Control, those are two huge words when it comes to a relationship to me. I think you have to have a extreme amount of trust to give someone the power and control that is needed for what we do. I know with me I take great comfort in the power and control that comes with these types of relationships. There is nothing like knowing someone is in control other than me :-) At times this is hard but when I get down to the heart of it this is what I desire and need.
ReplyDeleteOk folks I commented on this because i would like to see what Kea and KYOTKGUY has to say so please lets get some more comments before I have to do something sneaky :D
ReplyDelete*thinks it's a really good thing I know your writing style, Jessa*
ReplyDeleteWe're up to 3, you guys! Keep them coming!
Okay, I'll give it a go. I'm not anywhere near where you guys are in my own journey. Still pounding out the details, so to speak! However, I do think an awful lot about these words all on my own.
ReplyDeletePower is something inherant in individuals. You either have it or you don't. I can relate to what Paul said about subs often being the stronger partner. Some people are just powerful. The truer you are to yourself the more powerful you become. Power comes in all colors, shapes and sizes.
Control is another thing entirely. To veer off a bit, I've been trying to control my life since my parents divorced. I'm exhausted. Married 19 years this June - spanking saved my marriage. Let me explain! Me opening up to my husband, and us connecting this way - saved our marriage. Because I started to trust, just a little tiny bit.
He has grown and changed so much. I am trying to learn to let go of the control. I hate it, hate who I am when I have it. Like I said - I'm tired. But old habits, especially survival instincts that helped for so long, are hard to let go. It's like trying to rewire my brain.
I'm picking through. Dh originally was not a safe person, but he too has grown and changed. I don't mean not safe in a physically abusive way in any way. He has walked through fire and back and is now trustworthy and safe. I just wish I could face my trust issues faster. To me, control is about trust. I lost it at such a young age I almost need to relearn the trait entirely. But how can you trust if you don't give up control? It's like anything Real - it sort of defines itself away. It's the difference between believing something and knowing it. There is no skin inbetween anymore.