Domestic Violence Awareness

It's not exactly domestic violence awareness week, or month, but honestly, this topic deserves a little more recognition than it gets. An often "taboo" topic, it is often steadfastly ignored in the scene. In a place where the lines of consent can be blurred, people often look the other way.

The definition of domestic violence basically involves the idea of being controlled or dominated by a significant other or partner. . . . . . . . .  .and here is where the line blurs. In the scene, in TTWD, we give consent. Far from being abuse, we seek it out. However, there are those who don't enjoy it. . . . . . who don't seek it. . . . . .  who don't desire the control in their lives. . . . . .  who are in physical and emotional pain every waking moment, completely against their will. One of the biggest defining factors of whether or not one is involved in a DV relationship is whether or not one truly FEARS their partner. I'm not talking about apprehension before a punishment, or a bit of knowledge that they are truly stronger. . . . .  I'm talking raw, to the bone, stepping-on-eggshells, scared to live, FEAR.

That emotion alone should begin to let you know that something is a little bit "off". Perhaps the "darker side" is part of your dynamic. . . . . . . but raw fear should NEVER be. The key to this life is consent and mutual respect. Anything done to you without consent is abuse. Period. You're an adult; you have the right to CHOOSE. Physical abuse is often clear. . . . . . . . . . . it's the emotional side of the coin that seems to be a bit harder to navigate. Blatant intimidation, name-calling, belittling, guilt-trips, and the silent treatment run rampant, with the intent of seeking, gaining, and keeping control of the "lesser partner". I use that term loathingly, for there is no "lesser" and "greater". See, once again, the line blurs here. Not so much in the spanking scene, but in BDSM, humiliation (often to a degree FARRRR past what I'm comfortable with even thinking or reading about) is a HUGE part of it for some people. That's alright; that's who they are. . . . . . . . but they seek it, want it. . . . . . . it completes them, and it's consensual.

Now, there are a number of things that are "consensually unconsenual". I submit to KYOTKGUY, freely, completely, and joyfully. In our dynamic, that gives him the right to discipline me. I will sometimes beg, cry, scream, and try to maneuver my way out of punishment. Anyone walking in on such a scene (who was not in the "know") would likely scream "abuse!", but it's anything but. I might not consent "in the moment", but overall, my consent was joyfully given long ago. It's on on-going part of our relationship. It's consensually non-consensual.

In a play set-up, people must be MUCH more careful to remain within the bounds of "consensual".  That is, however, a different topic for a different day. :-)

Perhaps this post has raised a few questions for you. . . . . . . . . . . . . perhaps you feel as if you need to do a bit further research. My friend. . . . . . . . if you question yourself, or your partner's motives, then you're probably right. If there's doubt in the back of your mind, don't push it down again. Reach a little further, and reach out for the multitude of resources that are available.


Freedom is there. . . . . . . . . just one step away. I'm familiar with the excuses. "I need him." "He's done so much for me." "He's taught me more than I'd ever know otherwise." "I don't know how I would survive without him." "I have no money." "Everything I own is there." "I love him."

I know. Still, though. . . . . . . . . the rest of your life is waiting. Be willing to consider the step. . . . . . . . and for those of you who know people potentially involved in such a situation, provide support, love, and a potential out. Don't turn a blind eye.