Rooted In Fear

I have been recently asked "How do I submit?" This came from a person who was struggling mightily on the road of submission, and while I'm not exactly the prime example of perfect submission, I've learned a lot. My answer was simple.

It boils down to trust. The thought of disobedience, or of a fit, will not even occur to you IF you trust the decision being made. The person giving the command has a responsibility to consider all aspects of the choice, and you have the responsibility to submit to the decision made. With all sides and elements carefully considered by the leader, the needs and wants of the follower are balanced. A big issue is the desire to throw a fit. *simply* A fit is rooted in COMPLETE lack of trust. It says, "I'm too scared to allow this happen. I don't trust that it's best for me, at this time." Perhaps it says, "I don't want to give up that much control." Ultimately, that is STILL rooted in fear. A base of non-submissive behavior is rooted in "I want." *simply* You give up the right to "I want." In an ideal situation, your needs are carefully considered and taken care of, and you'll get your wants every now and again. If you DON'T get a want, then it conflicts with a current need. That fact might rub you the wrong direction, but you must realize that, once again, all the facts have been considered. It's not your place to get upset about it if you truly trust him to make the best choice for you.

I believe that lack of submission is almost always rooted in fear. Fear of pain. Fear of lack of control. Fear of the unknown. Total submission removes the fear from the equation. The unknown doesn't matter, because the person guiding you has an end in mind. They know the end result, or the result that they're after, and if you truly believe that they will not hurt you, nor use your vulnerability against you, then the fear doesn't register. The unknown rests squarely in their hands, as do you.

Now, all of that to say, submission does NOT involve being a doormat. It does not involve mindless, robotic obedience. Obedience is NOT the core of submission. It is a result, but it is not what truly matters. Anyone who tells you that it is rooted in obedience does not truly understand the concept of complete submission. If there are considerations that still need to be raised, you should feel free (and safe), to raise them, respectfully. Once considered, however, that should be the end of the matter.

*simply* That was the answer I gave. It's a bit hard to track, and to follow, but I think it says what needs to be said. It all comes down to trust. Absolute, unyielding, unshakable trust. Built upon a platform of trust, submission brings a joy that nothing else can compare to. However, without that trust, submission is nothing more than an extended role-play, and a source of frustration for all involved. Without the trust, the only constant will be a fight out of fear.