The Coin

"The flip side of the coin" is a phrase that is often used to mean "on the other, and completely opposite side of the matter". There is something that I've come to realize in the past few days. A coin has two sides, but it's still just one coin. It is inherently physically IMPOSSIBLE to have a one-sided coin. . . . each side literally completes the other. Without both, there wouldn't be a single entity.

Submission is often described as having two parts. . . . physical and mental. I've been lurking a bit on several different boards and blogs, and there is a constant argument about these two sides of submission.

"Well, I just wouldn't do it."
"I might SUMBIT [emphasis added] physically, but inside, I would be screaming."
"I give in mentally, but my body won't follow."

My friends. . . . those three phrases showcase exactly what submission IS NOT. I wrote, awhile back, about striving for mental submission. I'd like to counter that, now, by saying that that concept is close to impossible. Without submission of the mind, I'm only physically obeying. The past few days (the past 9 days, to be exact) have been extremely intense, for me, and have been focused on submission. My constant focus has been on submission, and I've thought about it a whole lot.

I'm sitting here, writing this now, and I've never felt more at peace, and more secure. I have this sweet feeling of acceptance, and the knowledge that whatever I'm told to do comes with a purpose, and with a focus, and with an end goal, is the only thing I need to know in order to follow the leading.

The past few days have been difficult, at times. I've never been this continuously emotionally open, and connected. It's a bit scary, for I don't tend to deal in the emotional realm much. I told KYOTKGUY the other day, "I'm not practiced in emotion." He tenderly informed me, "My Kea, that's why we're practicing now. . . ." I'm being pulled out of my comfort zone, in so many ways. I have no idea how long these exercises in focused submission will continue, and it's not exactly my place to ask. *simply* It is what it is, and I've never been happier to have KYOTKGUY guiding me on this journey.

That's another thing I'm learning. . . . submission is not a goal. . . . it's a growing process. It is a journey, with curves, rocks, roadblocks, and speed bumps. Sometimes, the road is straight, and sometimes, it doubles back on itself. The past nine days are a mile-marker, a big one, and a definite mile-stone, on my journey, for I've learned more about myself and submission than I ever thought possible.

This is a bit of a deeper post, and I want to thank all of you that hang with me through this insanely emotional, at times, journey. I'm learning more about myself, love, submission, and life with every day, and I know that you guys probably get whip-lash following this process. *wry grin* Sometimes it's quick, sometimes it's slow. Sometimes, I plateau, and I get so incredibly frustrated, and sometimes, I'm the happiest girl in the world. Thanks for hanging in there with me. :-)

*simply* I've never been prouder than to call myself KYOTKGUY's. I have always trusted him with my body, and my heart. . . . but never my mind. My mental resistance has always been great, and that wall is being brought down, piece by piece. The pain, at times, is great. . . . but then, growing pains always are. *tosses a coin to each of you* Look at that coin. . . . . examine it. . . . . and realize. . . . . there are never truly two sides to anything. It all makes up a part of a whole.