Tops. . . . . bottoms. . . . . the curious. . . . . . question for all of you. What is it about spanking that provides stability? Why, after a period of time without spankings, do spankees often get "out of whack"? My theory is that spankings provide an emotional release, and that spankees learn to maximize that effect. . . . . and, that in going without them, things get "off balance". Any thoughts?
Todd and Zed, I'd especially be interested to hear your thoughts on the matter. . . . . along with everyone else. Spankees, chime in as well. How does spanking help YOU?
I have a theory that the majority of people who are interested in being spanked, or have that need, have suffered some sort of emotional turmoil in their childhood. Whether it be a lack of discipline, or emotionless discipline, or something major that happened OUTSIDE of the home. Obviously there are people who would disagree with this, even with examples. I know there are people who don't have any issues from their past, but there must be SOMETHING that leads people to want this.
ReplyDeleteI think spanking provides a sort of security. Pain with love. It's a beautiful thing, and some philosophers believe that there cannot be physical love without pain.
I think it just fills a void that has been left hollow from a traumatic experience, or something missing from their childhood. Something about spanking is so intriguing that people just basically become addicted to it.
The love is so overwhelming, and to me, it's even more of an expression of it than actually MAKING love.
I think when we go without it for a while, we subconsciously feel left out, or forgotten. For me, it makes me feel sort of sad and unloved, I guess. Because going a while without a spanking doesn't necessarily mean I've been super GOOD, it just means I haven't been super BAD. And that means that Scott (my husband) is just letting things 'slide' because of the last spanking, and the positive progress I've made from it..
Or something like that, haha.
This is all just theory, though. So don't quote me on it, haha.
-Naomi
*nods that makes total sense. I also fully connect with what you say about "pain equals love". My childhood sucked, and I always found refuge in the thought of true paternal love. . . . and in books and movies, that was often expressed through spanking. I don't know the "feeling loved" feeling that comes with actual love making, but I do know the peace and serenity that comes with a well-needed spanking delivered by someone who cares enough to do so. . . .
ReplyDeleteI've never thought about "feeling left out" by not getting a spanking. . . . interesting idea! I've noticed that when I go too long without a spanking, I get moody, and VERY unstable. *musing* That's a definite possibility.
Anyone else?
It depends on the spankee and what kind of spanking you're talking about. I've definitely noticed that "out of whack" thing after a discipline spanking in a long distance relationship has occured. I don't know why that is, but it's not uncommon. Maybe there is a certain amount of relaxing, knowing it's going to be a while before there will again be direct accountability.
ReplyDeleteWhen distance isn't an issue, I think there can sometimes be 'testing' going on. If a spanking hasn't happened, a spankee can wonder... is he even watching, has something changed? Could just be a physical and emotional desire for the release that comes with a discipline spanking too (like you mentioned).
I, btw... don't believe childhood turmoil has anything to do with it. While there are certainly a good number of spankos that had 'issues' in childhood... there are those that didn't. The ratios in the vanilla world are about the same IMO.
:)
~Todd
americanspankingsociety.com
Thanks, Todd.
ReplyDeleteI've worked with a couple of people long distance. . . . . the thought often is, "Well, I've already screwed up over and over and over. . . . why bother trying now?" However, I've noticed that as a relationship gets deeper and more trusting, it becomes less about the spanking, and more about. . . . . I don't know. . . . . not dissappointing the spanker? I can't find the words I want there. :-)
Wouldn't you agree, though, Todd, that most people become spankos at an early age? Some sort of happening during childhood? I think that's what Naomi was saying. . . .not that the "spanko" was created out of abuse or whatnot. Simply that it's usually an "impactful" event during childhood.
Yeah I didn't necessarily mean something traumatic, although I guess it put it that way because I have recently linked my interest to something that I have hardly any memory about, because I was so young. The flashes have been coming and going, though, and I feel like that's where MINE came from.
ReplyDeleteBut I didn't mean that it was like that for everyone, but I don't think it just comes out of nowhere. A lot of people talk about being 'born' a spanko, and that's what I referred to it as, also. But just like Todd said about the ratios of childhood trauma in the vanilla world, it's the same with the cartoons that have sparked many of our interests as children.. that have spanking references and such. Everyone saw those cartoons, but only SOME of us got a little trigger inside from it.
I just feel like there has to be a link somewhere in there. Real discipline is a form of love. Not abusive type of discipline, but the REAL thing. You don't take the time to discipline someone, for their own good, unless you care. And I think as adults there aren't many other ways to receive discipline without going to jail or something, haha.
And like he said about the testing thing, to me, that's where the feeling left out or forgotten comes in. I'm not testing to be a brat, I'm testing to see (subconsciously) if he still cares about any of it, if he's still serious about it, or if he's even watching at all.
Its just like with sex in a relationship. If your husband comes up to you while you're doing dishes or something, and you feel his boner poking you in the side.. and you ignore it, it makes him feel sad and 'forgotten'. After a while of that 'rejection', he starts to act crabby and grumpy.
I think with domestic discipline (not necessarily play or anything. Just discipline), it holds the same concept.
That's just for me, and I guess you probably have that sort of connection with it, too. It's not necessarily the release I'm looking for (although that part is nice, too), it's more that connection, or the warm fuzzy feeling that comes with knowing you are safe, and someone is watching over you.
Great question! It really gets the wheels turning.
Thank you for your heart felt and well-thought out answer, Naomi. :-)
ReplyDelete