Unconditionally

I really don't know how to express what I've learned over the past several weeks, and specifically, the past few days. It seems I've learned more about relationships and true love recently than I have my entire life, and it seems I've finally discovered the meaning of "true friend." I have been blessed with several, and they mean the world to me.

KYOTKGUY and I spent some time together tonight, and we spent it talking about some much needed topics. It seems that when I get going on a solid streak of 10 steps forward, I have to go and take a few back. It seems that he is forever leaning down to offer me his hand and pull me back to my feet, yet I know that somewhere amongst it all, I am progressing. . . . .

This time, my regression was far more painful and intense for both of us. . . . . yet on the other side, he's still by my side. "My love doesn't go in and out like a flaky radio signal, Kea. . . . that's what makes it unconditional." Two nights ago, when those words were said to me, I didn't understand them. I didn't understand them yesterday, either, and I don't understand them today. What I do understand is that he unconditionally loves me. . . . . and that I am unconditionally his.

I gave him a small, otk paddle today as a tangible symbol of my love, submission, and commitment to him. While he chose not to dole out the discipline I'd earned today, he did decide that I needed to be acquainted with that little paddle.

I've never been so surprised by an amount of pain in my life. It's a small, light, hardwood paddle. I expected it to hurt. I expected it to hurt a good bit, actually. . . . . but I didn't expect the instant, searing pain that just didn't go away. I was crying, and crying hard, within the first few swats. I do not like that thing, at all. I don't handle wood well at all, but this piece of wood has a special amount of bite, and I just don't understand it. He has claimed it as his new favorite paddle, and I can honestly say there's only one other implement (his strap) that I loathe more. At this point in time, I absolutely detest that very pretty, cute, well-made little piece of wood.

And I barely know it yet.