Broken Streak

Alas, my streak has come to an end. . . . 22 days. . . . . . the ultimate record! I was spanked today, and not only was it well deserved, it was needed. I didn't want it; my mental resistance was great. I went over his knee knowing that I deserved the spanking, yet dreading it. From the first swat, the pain astounded me. Nonetheless, compared to many that I've gotten recently, it was an easy spanking. (It wasn't neccessarily easy compared to a lot of spankings, but compared to what I've gotten in the past couple months, it was much less intense.) It WAS painful. . . .it WAS attention-getting. . . . . and it ended with me in tears. After the discipline part of the spanking was over, he left me over his knee, but pulled me close to his chest. "Keagen, that's all I'm going to give you for discipline, but do you need more?" I hastily shook my head. "No, Sir." "Don't answer so quickly. . . . . do you need more?" At that moment. . . . I was fully convinced that I didn't need any more. . . .that I would never need any more. . . . . "No, Sir." He looked me in the eye, "Ok." Next moment I knew, I felt his arms come back around my waist, and I was shifted back close to his body as the spanking began again. After a very short while, I was squirming and yelping again. I don't remember exactly what he said, but it was basically along the lines of. . . . "That was for not being honest with yourself and with me." He once again asked me, "Keagen, do you need more?" I was torn. . . . pulled in two directions. . . . and I responded with the best answer I had. "I don't know!" His response was steady and sure. He tucked me in close to his body, grabbed a paddle, and went to work. I was very close to tears before he picked up the paddle, and probably would have started crying with very little encouragement at all. . . . but once that wood started singing its song, I broke. I turned my head, buried my face in my arms, and cried. It wasn't heaving sobs. . . . . it wasn't panicked pain. . . .it was a simple, pure release. Gentle and slow. . . . born of a connection and of communication. . . .

While I did cry, a fact of which I am grateful, it took awhile for me to "connect" with the spanking, and with KYOTKGUY. I go through emotional ups and downs quite bit, and it's definitely been a bit of a "low" week. Maybe even a "low" month. . . . I'm sure we all have 'em. :-) In any case, I'm a bit more distant than usual. . . . which is probably where part of my aversion to spanking comes from right now. I know that a spnaking is a quick and sure-fire way to bring all emotions back online. . . . and sometimes, that's a relatively painful process, and I don't mean from the spanking. The withdrawn "blahness" often will make a spanking worse, but it's also emotionally draining and hard to be forced to feel, via a spanking.

Another fact that made this experience far more. . . . interesting, perhaps. . . . than normal. . . . is that a vanilla friend of mine heard the entire spanking. She knows that I am involved in the spanking world. . . . but still. . . . I was a bit embarrassed, but more for her sake than mine. I talked to her a bit, and her biggest concern was if I was ok or not. She was a bit intrigued by the whole idea, but she was more or less just kinda like.. . . ."Hey, it's your life, and this is who you are. I am not judgemental, at all. . . . and it's kinda interesting."

So yeah. . . . that was my night, and the breaking of my streak. :-)

*huge hugs* to KYOTKGUY!!!!