The session started as an exercise in submission and trust, as a centering and grounding session. Before the session started, we'd spent time talking about what direction we wanted it to go. It quickly morphed into a powerful session in focus and complete submission. Throughout the first half of the session, I was forced to bypass the pain and focus on his touch, his voice, his commands. I wasn't successful most of the time . . . . my pain tolerance isn't particularly high nor was I in a solid headspace when starting.
The line between the first half of the session and the second is blurred. I'm also not sure that I remember things in the correct order of events . . . . I know all of this HAPPENED, I'm just not sure if it's A,B,C,D or A,B,D,C. :-D I guess I'm delineating those halves with "hurt really, really bad" and "didn't hurt at all." The first half had been intense . . . . and he'd asked if I'd wanted him to turn me over and start spanking me again or to leave me as I was. I told him that I didn't want to be spanked again.
He asked me to turn over, to settle on my belly. His hands on my bottom made me wince and he whispered into the back of my head that he wanted to spank me just because he wanted to. Well, that changed things a bit . . . . I was all for that plan. I don't remember if he started handspanking me again or not . . . . but at some point, his belt came off. I cried out as a stroke caught me across the fullness of my bottom and then again in surprise as a stroke landed across my shoulders. It wasn't hard by any stretch of the imagination but it stung. The sting continued to build as the belt landed lightly across my back, shoulders and ribs. At first, at stung like fire . . . . and then at some point, the pain shifted to rolling waves of sensation. I could feel the sensation, the weight of the stroke but not the pain. It wasn't "numb" . . . . merely as if the pain had faded into a rolling tide of pure, unchecked sensation.
My thoughts at this point had stopped . . . . . my world was a swirling sense of sensation alone. I wasn't wrapped up in pain or focusing on staying in position. I literally had no thought as the sensation of the strokes wracked my body. It wasn't quite an orgasmic sense of bliss . . . . it was much milder but potent in and of itself.
KYOTKGUY started wielding a paddle that can make me sick from the pain . . . . .it's panic inducing and painful beyond all measure. That had a different weight, a different sensation . . . . . but no pain. After the session was over, he let me know that there were a few strokes that were as hard as an 8 out of 10 on as hard as he could swing it. I think those were probably the strokes that had the potential to pull me out of the world of swirling sensation . . . . I felt the edge of pain and just let it wash over me. Had I concentrated on it, I'm sure it would have ended my sojourn into subspace.
After the session, I felt wrung-out, settled and peaceful. I was still riding the wave even though my sense of pain had come back. The blissful, peaceful sense of calm and nothingness remained even as my bottom and legs started to throb. Even now, more than 4 hours later, the pain hasn't gotten any less. I quite honestly don't expect it to for some time . . . . . it was a really hard session even if I didn't feel half of it!
Keagen,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your journey into subspace.